My Opinion: Phone vs Partner

My Opinion: Phone vs Partner

“He doesn’t understand how jealous I feel about it”, said Anita. “Who?” I asked. Anita took a deep breath and said, “his cell phone !” Ah! I was relieved it was not another woman or a job that she was talking about.

But seriously how many wives and even some husbands are fed up with that third entity in our lives that is not only causing partners to spend less time with each other but slowly damaging the family unit. It is inanimate but has a magnetic pull towards it. It cannot speak but we remain plugged to it listening to what it has to say.

It is right there with us in the drawing room, on our dinner dates, our dining tables, family gatherings, outings, long drives, in our bedrooms.  “I’m more likely to think my relationship is doomed the more I believe my partner needs that thing,” explains Matthew Lapierre, Assistant Professor in the Department of Communication at the University of Arizona. “It’s not use; it’s the psychological relationship to that device.”

How many of us can actually sleep with a phone kept in another room and not having the urge to check it as soon as we wake up? Very few will not be found guilty of this crime! Has technology intruded our relationships? Let’s find out more. The changing patterns and lifestyles have made way for several distractions in our lives over a period and cell phones are becoming a big problem to handle.

We are getting more comfortable with reel conversations while real ones are getting scarce. This is what happened when Neelam and Ajit decided to go for a long walk one day without their cell phones and they can vouch that it was a time of struggle. Even after staying together in one home it was so difficult for them to communicate for more than 15 minutes.

Are our communications becoming shallow? I have heard some sad comments from wives about how their husbands are addicted to the phones on dinner tables. Sometimes the warmth of serving a newly tried dish does not even receive a word of appreciation because the husband did not even realise he was eating it for the first time, being so engrossed in the phone.

How she would wish that her husband could look into her eyes and smile and enjoy the meal so lovingly prepared. Such things can be really annoying at times. Who is stealing these moments? When was the last time you remember creating a memory like this with a loved one? Let me tell you something which could be a real eye opener.

One day I decided to recollect if I could remember a memorable moment with my phone in the last 10 days. Let me confess I simply could not recollect anything great. However, I surely remember the last time my husband and I enjoyed a lovely late night walk whilst enjoying our favourite ice-cream. Now that’s what I say is a real connection.

It created a beautiful memory that I can cherish. Gadgets can get lost, destroyed or even get outdated after some time. The numerous forwards that I read today may no doubt increase my basic level of information but will those really be a part of my beautiful journey with my spouse. What will eventually count? Let us nip this silent intruder right at the bud before it grows into a cactus that can kill your relationship with your spouse.

It is no joke but studies show that devices are ruining relationships. Let us remember that it up to us to decide how much we want the cell phone to interfere in our lives.

Do you feel the need to draw a line of control somewhere to save your relationship? Here are a few tips to implement to save your marriage from cell phone addiction.

tips to implement to save your marriage from cell phone addiction

  1. Turn off social media notifications when with your partner.

  2. Set a time to check your social media messages and chats and decide how many hours must you actually spend with the phone in a day.

  3. Keep the phone away half an hour before sleep time.

  4. Always ensure that you are not chatting or surfing when it’s the time for husband to return home. It could be a big turn off and loss of opportunity to really connect with him.

  5. Introduce a family rule to keep cell phones away while having family dinners and gatherings.

  6. Do not check your phone while on a date.

  7. If you need to check on something legitimately important, provide an explanation to your partner first and then check your phone.

  8. Refrain from taking excessive pictures on your dates and outings only to post a nice one on Facebook or any other social media platform. Instead enjoy and live the moment because once it’s gone, it will never come back.

  9. Finally, don’t get defensive if your partner expresses his concern at your constant texting, or gaming or videos. It is just a way for them to let you know that they would really like to spend some time with you.

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