Counselling Family Parenting

Smart parents start early

Reflections: Smart parents start early
Dr. Prabhan C M
Written by Dr. Prabhan C M

Recently a psychologist was sharing with me how he had an early adolescent come to him for counseling. The young boy thought he was going to die because he was losing all his spinal fluid. He had been struggling alone with this thought and finally decided to meet a counselor to help share the bad news with his parents.

The psychologist asked him to explain his experience further and realized that he was having wet dreams and nobody had oriented him or told him about this stage of his growth. He had been struggling for many months and was suffering from severe depression because of his inability to share with his parents about something he was not aware of as a natural experience.

I know of a young girl who thought she would get pregnant if she touches a boy and had a phobia about any guy touching her even while travelling in a crowded bus. She carried on in this ignorance for many years till someone shared with her the process of childbirth.

Parents have a great role to play in orienting their children about physical changes or they are likely to get oriented incorrectly by their peers. As parents we are often shocked when children ask embarrassing questions about sex and we probably tell them to keep quiet and not talk about such things. But we now live in a time when most of our media content is sex-tainted and all kinds of information is available on the Internet.

With the increase of sexual content everywhere we need to be smart parents to orient them in age appropriate ways so that others don’t lead them down the wrong path. Parents are really the best sex education teachers for their children. As a counselor I have seen how wrong seeds and orientations that children have about sex has gone on to even affect their married lives.

To do this effectively with children, firstly each parent should develop a culture of openness and strong communication. Only in the context of an open deep relationship can we speak on this topic in a relaxed manner. Secondly, the parents’ own perspective of sex is important as they speak to their children.

While the world teaches that sex is something that is very secretive, dirty and just for pleasure with no morality as its foundation, parents need to give a moral and deep spiritual dimension to sex.

Sex is made by God for the reason of pleasure and pro-creation.Sex is a tool where we express our deep love and commitment to our spouse. It’s morally binding as we are emotionally and physically bonded to the person with whom we become partners for life.

God who instituted marriage, created us male and female to enjoy sex in the context of commitment and marriage with that one person with whom we are connected to for life. When the confines are messed up, it can have consequences that are far more damaging than we can understand.

Hence, parents play a major role in giving the right perspective about sex. Their peers or biology teachers can teach the modality and not the morality behind it. So becoming a responsible moral teacher by orienting children early in their life can become a shield to prevent them from suffering alone in this vital area of their lives.

Above all pray that God will shield your children from wrong orientations and abuse so that their sexuality is preserved to be enjoyed in their marriage relationship.

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