Marriage

Marriage Masala:
Make Time for Each other

Make Time for Each other

The other day we were asked what in our opinion the main problem couples faced was. We could say that from our experience with couples, much of it centered around their willingness to give time to each other. To give time means we care, our wife/husband is high in our priorities. Not to give time communicates that we don’t care, or can’t care and that we have pushed our partner down in our level of time priorities.

Ruled by Pressure
For many of us it is not the lack of wanting time together, it is just for lack of making time. Our lives are ruled by work, travel and school schedules which get more and more demanding as time goes by. Today’s life and its pressures drain every ounce of energy from us and we always have more to do than we have time to do. Important things seem to fight for every moment of our waking lives. If this is true of your life then some things have got to go and you have to do some serious thinking about your life style. So in spite of all the other pressure and may be at the cost of them you have to decide to give time to your partner.

Change your Attitude
Firstly, change your attitude towards your partner! Apart from our God, our spouse is the most important asset in our lives. Yet some of us treat our wives as if they were just a piece of movable furniture, a cupboard to dump in dirty clothes and take out clean ones, or a vending machine which produces meals at set intervals.

Others treat husbands like number 53 bus. It arrives at 6.30 in the evening (usually late), spends the evening in the depot in a semi-stupor and being fuelled, brushed down and spruced up, then leaves at 8 am the next morning.

Who would want to give time to a piece of furniture or a passing bus? No one. Take a new look at each other, our lives are short and each day of our marriage is a gift.

Plan Time
Secondly plan time. Take down the calendar and mark dates and find time for each other. It need not be more than half-an-hour or an hour, if your schedules are very tight, but treat the date as seriously as you would a job interview. Nothing else will have precedence. Remind each other the day before. Plan the rest of the day around this time for each other. Get excited about it! If your boss or friend asks you for that say clearly ‘I’m sorry, I have another appointment.’

Keep the phone and other distractions away and give complete time to your spouse.

Te Date is Important
Thirdly, make the date important. Let your partner see that you feel it is important. Make sure you are not late for it. If there is an important matter to talk about over this time, tell each other and agree on it. Do not suddenly spring a ‘heavy’ topic on your partner when they were looking for a light relaxing time together. Or else he or she will find ways of avoiding the next date!

Unplanned Surprises
Fourthly, be quick to catch the times which are not planned. The sudden surprise holiday, even illness that keeps one of you home, or the sudden arrival of a relative which gives you a free baby sitter, make most of it.

Catch the Minutes
Fifthly, be creative and inventive in finding these extra few opportunities to be together. Can you find ways of travelling on the same bus or vehicle to work? What about fifteen minutes doing a chore together in the kitchen? Meet up after work and walk home together. Catch the minutes instead of  waiting for hours.

Spice it together this week

Get down that calendar. Take time now to look over the next three months and book in several dates together. Invest time into your marriage, it’s worth it.


Adapted from Rod and Ruthie Gilbert’s book ‘Marriage Masala, a book of ‘52 spices’ to make good marriages healthier. It is a collection of creative ideas ofered to couples to improve the favour of their marriage.

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