Chocolate Muffin Romance
5 PM: Shobha gets to work in the kitchen. She’s been browsing Pinterest for that oh so wonderful double chocolate muffin recipe that her husband Ravi loves, and finally zeroed in on one. Things have been a little rough between them and Shobha’s been doing everything she can to make the connect, rather reconnect, with her husband of all but 3 years.
6 PM: She is eagerly waiting to hear that knock on the door. The seconds hand is moving slower than ever, the minutes seem to be taking forever.
7 PM: The flower vase is out of place. The blinds need a little shift. The photos need to be reshuffled. She gets about settling up the already impeccable house. All this to while away her time as she waits for her husband.
7: 20 PM: Finally, the familiar sound of their i20 driving into the basement. The lift is being called to the basement and a little while later, it’s on the fourth floor.
7:30 PM: The scrumptious double chocolate muffin drizzled with some hot chocolate sauce went down well with Ravi. Small talk prevailed. The usual: how was your day? Did you have your lunch on time? How was your colleague Vinay today?
8:30 PM: Dinner’s on! Small talk prevails again.
9 PM: Ravi plonks himself on the sofa. He enjoys political discourse and the numerous debates that air simultaneously on TV entertain him. Shobha now wouldn’t mind some small talk.
10 PM: All the three meetings of the day went as planned. Ravi’s exciting and new ideas were taken very well at work and were a sure shot to success. Now it takes its toll on him. He’s mentally and physically exhausted and decides to call it a day.
Tasty Marriage Recipe
The mundane things of life could get to us and before we know it, we have come to accept it as part of our lives. You begin to wonder what happened to the good old days. Remember the days when rushing home after work was critical because you had her/him waiting for you? When the long conversations over a simple cup of tea were good enough to be the highlight for the evening.
Now, a few years down the line, kids or no kids, you are left wondering….. ‘hmmm, is there more to marriage than this…..?’ So what can we do to bring back the zing in our marriage? Probably spice it up a bit, add the right ingredients of patience, understanding, respect; garnish it with love and care, and relish it like never before. A conscious effort to make this wonderful dish is absolutely necessary and, you can bet, the aroma will be floating all around you.
Two is Better than One—Do it Together
Do things that you both enjoy; there is always a little bit of give and take. There could be something you don’t enjoy but you know it will make your wife/husband happy, do it! Working on jigsaw puzzles is not his thing and figuring bike parts is not her thing, however that little sacrifice paid off. We as a couple now enjoy doing jigsaw puzzles together. The first one we did, took 3 painstaking months to finish, but by the end of it, Phil became more patient and Sharon more appreciative of him. Games, board games, mind games, etc. can also bring about some new energy into the marriage. We went through a phase of playing Connect Four and Jenga. That can be great fun. It’s not so much the game itself but the mood that sets in once the game is over. Energy levels go up and next thing you know, conversations just flow with ease and bonding takes place with almost no effort.
Evening Cuppa made Interesting
We made our evening cuppa interesting. Small changes in drinking an ordinary cup of tea can help take the connection with your spouse to a new level. For us, having tea is not limited to the dining table or the sitting room. Taking the cup outside or to the balcony or to the terrace gives you a different view of things and brings about a freshness to the routine activity. When taking your cup of tea, don’t forget to invite your spouse to join you, otherwise the whole purpose of doing this would be lost.
Disconnect to Reconnect
When we think about reconnecting, we need to take time off to even disconnect. The most basic two letter thing that we need to disconnect from is the TV. It is easy to switch on the TV in order to fill the silence. However, the more time we spend doing this, the more we get used to it and the more difficult it is to break the cycle. It was a conscious decision to not purchase a television. Even if we did, getting a cable connection would be out of the question for as long as we can. It’s not just the TV, these days we have numerous distractions that crave our attention. It is a good idea to figure out what is a priority and what isn’t.
The Love Language of Uninterrupted Listening
A simple exercise that we learnt at a marriage seminar, which can help any relationship connect or reconnect depending on the stage of your relationship, is a good listening exercise. This sounds simple, however, it requires effort and discipline. All we were asked to do was take turns listening for a mere 15 minutes. Sounds simple enough you would think. I found listening to my spouse the hardest 15 minutes of my life. All we had to do was take turns listening to each other for 15 minutes. When I say ‘listen’ I mean ‘LISTEN’. No responses, no sighs, no interruptions, no turning away. Just you, your spouse, eye contact and complete undivided attention. If you have done this right, there would be a lot of tears at the end of it and a sense of closeness that you have never experienced in a long long time. It is almost liberating.
Second Chance to Rekindle the Romance
At a youth conference many years back, we were told that making a decision about marriage is the second most important decision we make in life. It’s true, because it’s a decision you make for life. Once that decision is taken, there’s no backing out. Once the honeymoon period is over and reality sets in, a conscious effort needs to be made to make that connect with your spouse. A piece of coal by itself can only produce a little heat, put two pieces of coal together and you can very easily have a fire. Try out a few of these suggestions and see what it leads to. Be creative and before you know it, the two of you are a flame full of life.