Marriage

Marriage Mantra:
My Wife, My Valentine

My Wife, My Valentine

I remember the first ever valentine’s card that I sent to my fiancé (now my wife) from Chennai to Bangalore. I got the same card back, making me wonder if she had returned my card. But to my surprise, we had chosen the same card for each other, even though we were miles apart.

I remember it was a friend who explained to me what Valentine’s Day was all about. It was not as popular back then. He was the one who advised me to send a card to my fiancé.

However, he had his own misunderstandings about Valentine’s Day. He thought it was a must celebrate festival for all Christians who are in love. I think that notion still prevails in people’s mind in India. That is why we have been having so much protest from the so- called guardians of our Indian culture. This definitely has become a festivity today with companies minting money through sales of cards and gifts, with malls and restaurants making the most of the day by decorating the place and attracting the young.

February 14th is a day when many make their love known to each other, when many hearts break, and many youngsters indulge in all kinds of revelry. We see a sharp decline of these emotional highs once they get married. The real Valentine is not someone who shows romance on special days and indifference on other days. After our 13 years of marriage and 3 years of Courtship, today Valentine means something else to me.

VALENTINE MEANS

VIP (Very Important Person): There is no one in our lives who we are as intimate with as our spouse, because it is God who brings that person into our life as our life partner. For each of us God has brought a special VIP, to make us complete. Who else can be more important than our spouse? My wife, my valentine is a Very Important Person to me.

Available for my needs: Eve was made for Adam and Adam for Eve, so that they would be available for each other. Many of us are available for the world and least useful at home for our spouse and children. It’s good to be available for work, children, friends etc., but our VIP needs us too. My wife, my Valentine has been available for my needs.

Loves me in-spite of: We may not like everything about our spouse, but our calling is to love in-spite of his or her weakness. Today, many couples choose to quit, rather than staying together to make the marriage work. Marriage is not the coming together of two perfect people, but two imperfect people waiting to be perfected by a perfect God. My wife, my Valentine loves me in-spite of.

Encourages me: Words of encouragement and affirmation will make a relationship stronger. Negative words, sarcastic remarks can be so hurtful and produce scars that can go very deep. We all need encouragement, not only when everything is fine, but even when our partners mess up. We need to stand by each other especially when the whole world lets us down. My wife, my valentine, encourages me always.

Never pretends: Marriage can be so rich when we are transparent to each other that we do not have to pretend with each other. We need to give our partner the freedom to express their feelings. We need to be real in a marriage relationship. There is no need for special perfumes and fancy clothes to hide our real self. Being transparent makes the relationship so enjoyable. My wife, my valentine, never pretends with me.

Trusts me: This is a very important component of any relationship. If a spouse is constantly suspicious of our moves, what a hell that marriage can turn out to be. Trusting each other in all circumstances makes us vulnerable. We actually give away ourselves to each other completely by trusting each other. Since my wife trusts me, I’m even more careful not to break her trust. My wife, my valentine, trusts me.

Inspires me: When we follow the world’s idea of togetherness, our marriage can become so boring and drab after a few years. In early days of courtship and marriage, a look, a wink, a touch can send shivers down your spine. There was so much of inspiration that we could draw from each other’s looks and presence. My wife’s presence when I present in front of an audience is such an inspiration, because I know she is there in the front row praying for me. Does your spouse inspire you; does their presence make you lose confidence or gain confidence? My wife, my valentine, inspires me.

Nurtures the relationship: Any relationship needs to be nurtured in order to grow. Nurturing is done by consciously making time for each other. As a Christian, our relationships are nurtured by spending time with our creator. It’s such a joy to spend time together with my wife in His presence. There is no substitute for it. My wife, my valentine, nurtures our relationship.

Endures even during tough times: I remember the days when we first got married as students. Being highly motivated in our passion for God, we chose a tough internship to be house parents for 16 street kids. Our first posting was in the most backward district of Karnataka with drinking water at a distance of 2kms. My wife had three miscarriages during this time. She endured it with a smile, never even once blaming me for the tough life. My wife, my valentine, endured hardship even during tough times. I really thank God for the suitable helper He has gifted to me and I want to reciprocate by being a great Valentine for her.